THE FULL ENGLISH TAKES A DNA TEST
Old Bean, Old Sausage, there are question marks.
I know you’ve had a lot on your plate.
How can I break this to you?
Your bacon is pure Viking.
Baked beans arrived here illegally
Uncle Sam wants them back
Hash browns have no right to remain
Plum tomatoes only speak Italian
Since 2006 HP sauce has called the Netherlands home
PG Tips must face up to its colonial past
Three mushrooms on your shirt
your England’s still dreaming
If you know which side your toast’s buttered
you’ll be a good egg.
Mr Full English, you are thoroughly scrambled.
John Lanyon lives in the Cotswolds. He works as an organic gardener, linguist, musician, and writer. Having failed his English Literature O Level, he came to love literature through reading it in French and German. He writes about art, the body, childhood, society, nature, the spirit of places, the secret lives of words.