There was an old woman
She lived in a shoe
The shoe was in Peru.
It was a big one,
Big enough to accommodate am
Old woman.

It was a left foot shoe,
Ten metres tall.
A thirty foot left foot shoe
Made of leather.
Good in all kinds of weather
Such as you’d get in Peru
Particularly at the higher altitudes.

She asked if I’d like a cuppa 
There was something beguiling
About her eyes.
Go on, then, I said,
You old rascal.
She looked at me in a
Kind of coquettish manner
She reminded me
Of my Nanna,
Drunk as I was on the whine
From her hearing aid,
The scent of lavender perfume,
Peppermint and moth balls
And the pungency of the leather shoe

In the hot sun,
Emotion caught up with me.
I was feeling down at heel.
I must go, I said,
I must go,
Farewell forever.

I flew back to England and,
Inspired by her lifestyle,
Rented a cheap flip flop
Just outside of Swindon.
It just wasn’t the same.

Robert Garnham is a spoken word artist.