Category: Found poem

When you type Liz Truss into a Random Title Generator – A Found Poem by Ben Macnair


By Robert Garnham 
 
5 Ways LIZ TRUSS Will Help You Get More Business
The Best Way To LIZ TRUSS
The Secret of LIZ TRUSS
LIZ TRUSS: The Samurai Way
LIZ TRUSS Shortcuts - The Easy Way
Turn Your LIZ TRUSS Into A High Performing Machine
LIZ TRUSS - So Simple Even Your Kids Can Do It
How To Take The Headache Out Of LIZ TRUSS
3 Ways Twitter Destroyed My LIZ TRUSS Without Me Noticing
LIZ TRUSS: Do You Really Need It? This Will Help You Decide!
How To Quit LIZ TRUSS In 5 Days
Why You Never See aLIZ TRUSS That Actually Works
The Next 3 Things To Immediately Do About LIZ TRUSS
Why Most People Will Never Be Great At LIZ TRUSS
5 Ways You Can Get More LIZ TRUSS While Spending Less
The LIZ TRUSS Mystery Revealed
If LIZ TRUSS Is So Terrible, Why Don't Statistics Show It?
Does LIZ TRUSS Sometimes Make You Feel Stupid?
LIZ TRUSS Is Crucial To Your Business. Learn Why!
Do LIZ TRUSS Better Than Barack Obama
The Secrets To LIZ TRUSS
10 Unforgivable Sins Of LIZ TRUSS
The Untapped Gold Mine Of LIZ TRUSS That Virtually No One Knows About
101 Ideas For LIZ TRUSS
14 Days To A Better LIZ TRUSS
3 Things Everyone Knows About LIZ TRUSS That You Don't
Why Ignoring LIZ TRUSS Will Cost You Time and Sales
Master Your LIZ TRUSS in 5 Minutes A Day
5 Surefire Ways LIZ TRUSS Will Drive Your Business Into The Ground
What Zombies Can Teach You About LIZ TRUSS
What Is a LIZ TRUSS and How Does It Work?
How To Win Friends And Influence People with LIZ TRUSS
How To Teach LIZ TRUSS Like A Pro
Why LIZ TRUSS Is No Friend To Small Business
7 Easy Ways To Make LIZ TRUSS Faster
How To Teach LIZ TRUSS Better Than Anyone Else
Secrets To Getting LIZ TRUSS To Complete Tasks Quickly And Efficiently
Fast-Track Your LIZ TRUSS
Take 10 Minutes to Get Started With LIZ TRUSS
Got Stuck? Try These Tips To Streamline Your LIZ TRUSS
Quick and Easy Fix For Your LIZ TRUSS
LIZ TRUSS: An Incredibly Easy Method That Works

 

15 Love, by Ben Macnair


By Robert Garnham 
15 Love

Tennis is a game,
where they talk about love,
but spare none for the ball.
The thwack of the racket,
played politely by vicars,
with more than the scriptures
on their minds.

We are left out for the dog,
when our playing days
are little remembered.
We are mouldering,
greener than jealousy.
Chewed up,
spat out,
over the line,
under the net,
one last game,
for old time's sake.

 

Death Becomes Me, by Julian Matthews


By Robert Garnham 
Death Becomes Me

Hey Death!
When you come a-knocking, will you step out of the darkness and punch me in the face?
Or will you come from behind, tap me on the shoulder and say, Boo!?
Will you kindly whisper in my ear as I lay down to sleep?
Or will you drown me when I am in too deep?

Maybe I will see you coming in the distance, your long shadow growing shorter and shorter
And I will put my house in order and greet you at the door
Or maybe i will try to shut you out
And jump out a back window --

Perhaps, you will come as my breath grows shallow
Sucking the air from me at every deep pause
Maybe the grump in me will swallow up all my dry humour
And infect those around me like an angry tumour

Maybe you will chew me from the inside out
A slow, growing entity that would go unnoticed
Until it's too late  -- and I collapse like a hollow, empty shell
An insidious inception into several levels of my own private hell

Hey Death! 
When you do come --  early or late
Just don't bait me and let me wait
No prank calls, please. No creeping up on me!
No last-call dying disease tease!

I know I cannot change what's already fated
But it's never too late to exorcise and heal all this hatred
And Death, I have a bucket list now before I kick it
So let me go about my business and just fulfill it, ok?

I know I fear you not at this final, windy bend
As long as there's some wit left at this twit's end 
Don't curse me with any "sudden unforeseen circumstance"
Instead let the last twirl of this mortal coil be a whirling dervish dance!

Julian Matthews is a former journalist finding new ways to express himself through poetry, fiction, memoir and essays. His work has been published in the American Journal of Poetry, Beltway Poetry Quarterly, Borderless Journal, Spilling Cocoa on Martin Amis, and various other literary publications. He is a minority based in Malaysia. Link: linktr.ee/julianmatthews
 

Instructions for reading a gas meter, by Ama Bolton


By Robert Garnham

Instructions for reading a gas meter

1. You’ll need a pen and paper and a torch.
2. Open the door of the cupboard in the corner.
3. Move the vacuum cleaner and the two pairs of boots.
4. Get a brush and remove the cobwebs from the meter.
5. Lie down on the floor so that your face is level with the meter.
6. If there isn’t enough room for you, move the sofa.
7. If you can’t move the sofa, get help.
8. No, not me. You know I’ve got a bad back.
9. Press the button.
10. No, the other button.
11. If you can’t read the numbers, get a magnifying glass.
12. Press the button again.
13. If you still can’t read the numbers, get your camera.
14. Turn off the flash, if you can remember how.
15. If you can’t remember, find the instruction manual.
16. No, I don’t know where it is.
17. Try the top drawer in the kitchen.
18. Under the mousetrap?
19. Press the button again and take a photo.
20. Quick, before the number disappears.
21. Maybe use the zoom?
22. Try again.
23. That’s better.
24. Upload the photo and write down the numbers.
25. Go to the website.
26. The password’s in the blue book under G for Gas.
27. Enter the reading.
28. Yes, I know it’s a smart meter, but the new supplier can’t read it.
29. No, we’re not changing back.
30. Cheer up; you only have to do this once a month.

 

Recently Reactivated Twitter Account, by Stephen McNulty


By Robert Garnham

Recently Reactivated Twitter Account

My name is @barryotoole12345
but you can call me BOT
if you wish.

Though we have been
seen in the same chatroom
I am no relation of
@barryotoole54321.

I will respond to your
each and every tweet
regardless of insult.

Trust me, I have the time.
I speak fluent algorithm
do ratios in my
faceless oval head.

I am a shuttlecock
of political opinion
flying from one
Twitter racket to the next.

Or at least I would be
if I was capable of metaphor.
I detest the left as they cannot afford me.

My parents were opinion polls
before I strangled them to death
with a hashtag.
Between elections, I sleep.

Bio:
Stephen scribbles poetry whenever he is not forcing a member of the public into a CT scanner. His poems have appeared in Boyne Berries, Drawn to the Light, ROPES, Strukturriss and Vox Galvia.

 

Google-sculpt No.2 by Jinny Fisher


By admin

Google-sculpt No 2

Jinny Fisher lives in Somerset and is a member of Taunton’s Juncture 25 and Wells Fountain Poets. Her poems have been published in The Interpreter’s House, Under the Radar, The Broadsheet and Prole. She also gained Highly Commended in York Mix Competition and 2nd Prize in Interpreter’s House Competition (2016).

 

A Blue and Pink Encounter at the Mall by Jinny Fisher


By admin

A Blue and Pink Encounter at the Mall

Jinny Fisher lives in Somerset and is a member of Taunton’s Juncture 25 and Wells Fountain Poets. Her poems have been published in The Interpreter’s House, Under the Radar, The Broadsheet and Prole. She also gained Highly Commended in York Mix Competition and 2nd Prize in Interpreter’s House Competition (2016).