So Surrey

I’m tired of being Surrey
with vowels of pure cut glass
surface good intentions
and Pilates perfect arse
 
I’m tired of being Surrey
with legs like licorice sticks
tipped into boots, DuBarry
where obese is still size six
 
I’m tired of being Surrey
with hair five shades of fair
driving blind to others
volunteering just to care
 
I’m tired of being Surrey
sunglasses half my face
Botox, fillers, collagen
and running out of space
 
but being here in Surrey
it’s full of all things green
Pesto sauce and olives
and kale to keep me lean
 
I think I’ll stay in Surrey
though not so near a beach
I’ll take up Bikram yoga
and do my roots, so pass the bleach.