SIX CORNISH LIMERICKS 
 
There was a young man from Penzance 
Whose chances of finding romance 
Would have risen to ‘small’ 
Up from ‘no chance at all’ 
Had he thought about changing his pants. 
 
There was an old biker from Newquay 
Whose ways grew increasingly kooky. 
He would ride up and down  
All the streets in the town 
In the nude, on his vintage Suzuki. 
 
A grizzled old fisher from Newlyn 
Wore a hat that he thought he looked cool in, 
But which all of his crew 
And the townspeople too 
Thought he looked like a silly old fool in. 
 
A foolish young man from Porthcurno 
Thought drinking a bottle of Pernod 
With a lamb vindaloo 
Was a cool thing to do. 
Now his guts are a raging inferno. 
 
When a Methodist girl from Penryn 
Heard that alcohol use was a sin,  
She decided she oughta 
Drink nothing but water; 
The tonic sort, topped up with gin. 
 
When a careless old man from Lamorna 
Came out fully unclothed from the sauna, 
Then the sight of his bits 
Had his neighbours in fits 
And upset all the neighbourhood fauna. 


Mark Totterdell’s poems have appeared widely in magazines. His collections are This Patter of Traces (Oversteps Books, 2014), Mapping (Indigo Dreams Publishing, 2018) and Mollusc (The High Window Press, 2021).